We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
is wine microwaveable?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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