New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize