what day is it and did you see me today?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
