So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
