The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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