i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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