yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
