I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
