you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
