That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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