i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
