If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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