I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
