he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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