dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
