glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
