It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Say something about gay babies.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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