it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
