You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
