Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
