is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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