laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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