i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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