i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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