You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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