he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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