Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
