I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How does it feel to date your dad?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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