i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
