I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
