John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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