never play flip cup with pint glasses
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
