my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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