He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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