I'm eating all of the evidence.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I want to fling myself into the sun
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
