I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize