Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We got so high we made milksteak
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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