Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
