Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
