You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
