Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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