Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
