Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
