there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
