as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
