I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
