i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
