why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
