is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
