Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
