I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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