Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
