someone owes me an orgasm
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
