hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
