a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
