Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
