then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
