Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
