Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
