somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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