I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
