gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
