When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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