so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
