She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The power of my boobs compel you
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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