Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
