your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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