Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
There are leaves in my underwear?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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